Thursday, August 18, 2011

More Writing!

Since my friends mom cleaned the house, I stayed home because I knew she would put me to work on my vacation. I wrote a lot more and hope I have answered some of the questions that some people brought up.

I added a new character, well actually 2 new characters. One is Harper and the other is Nannaoo pronounced nana-ooh but it may change later.
 Well here it is:



“Well then I am Harper, nice to meet you....?” Harper said.


“I am Klohe, nice to meet you too” said Klohe.


With the introductions out of the way, Harper kept staring at the science teacher and Klohe didn’t like it even though she felt comfortable around Harper.


“Did Harper have magical powers?” Klohe thought.


“Class, can I have your attention please?” asked Mr. August


Everyone stopped talking to give Mr. August their full attention. Mr. August was tall and had a bad leg so he walked with a cane. He wore glasses and his hair was dishelved.


“I want to teach you about a legend that was passed down to me by my parents. This legend has a powerful city in it with a royal type family and only they can activate the true power of the city.” Mr. August said.


With this small amount of a legend Mr. August had everyone’s attention. 

When Mr. August smiled, it was in a creepy way but he only smiled at Harper.


 Klohe raised her hand to ask where the city was and she was not called on. 

Klohe didn’t know why Mr. August didn’t call on her but what she did notice was everyone in the class looking straight ahead and not saying a word.


This was unusual for Klohe’s science class because everyone always talked but now they were silent, even Harper was but she was smiling, why?


“I want everyone to take notes on this because there will be a quiz onit later in the week” said Mr. August.


As my parents told me this story, I listened everytime they told it to me. The city is in another dimension and the only way to get there is by a secret entrance only located somewhere in Greece. My parents didn’t know how to get to the secret opening but they told me you need “royal blood”. The royal family rules the city in a polite manner, everyone got along and were happy except for one royal who was not happy. This royal’s name is Nannaoo. She did not like the way this hidden city that is surrounded by water was being ruled.


 Nannaoo wanted to rule differently and make everything dark where nothing would grow and everyone would be miserable. She always liked the dark side of things and she wanted to kill the heir to Silver Star City.


Nannaoo’s brother had found out and left his oldest son in charge so he could take his wife and daughter who was the heir to the city, take them away to safety and wait til the young girl would be old enough to gain her powers and knowledge.


No one knows why the oldest son was left in charge, some say he was very strong and could stand up to Nannaoo but the real challenge was for his sister to put her away for good.


Since the departure of the king and queen and their daughter, no one has seen them or knows where they went. I was told the daughter would gain powers over the waters and be able to control them anyway she would like, she could move mountains and move the city by herself but there is no proof for she has not returned to the city.


Some say Nannaoo has people working for her that like the dark side and say they have tracked down the heir to Silver Star City and will destroy her and her parents to keep everything dark, that is why we keep having rain and no sunshine as my parents would tell me.


“So are there any questions before you go?” asked Mr. August


“Mr. August, if the heir is still alive, how did the story get out?” asked a student finally out of her gaze of zombieness.


“I asked my parents the same thing and they told me they followed a traveler into the city and were told the story by the traveler but in no means, follow strangers” said Mr. August.


Ring....Ring...Ring...


“Off you go now, get to your next class” said Mr. August as the bell rang letting students know they had another class to get to.


Klohe gathered up her things and out of the corner of her eye she could see Harper smile at her evilily, Klohe didn’t know what to make of it but she wanted to find Matt and talk to him about her. Matt may know something about it but she would ask her brother Chris too.


Klohe left the classroom and turned right as she went out the door, she knew Matt was in science class and it was not too far from her class. As she got there Matt walked out.


“Matt, we need to talk right now!” said Klohe very seriously.


“Wow Klohe, nice to see you too but what’s up with you? Matt asked while Klohe was pulling him out into the hallway.


“Sorry Matt but something weird happened in my class and I think you might know about it. Even the teacher is creepy and gives me evil looks plus a new girl named Harper showed up today and she seems to be in love with the teacher.”


Slow down Klohe and start again, who is Harper?” asked Matt even though he has heard the name somewhere but couldn’t remember where.


“Harper is a new girl but not sure where she is from. She kinda looks like me but has brown eyes and darker brown hair. Even the teacher smiled at her which is weird and he always looks at me from behind his computer.”


“Also my teacher told the class of a legend that his parents told him about a city surrounded bu water and the only way to get there is to find the entrance in Greece.” said Klohe


“I have never heard of that Klo, besides how would the teachers parents know that the secret location is in Greece? I think he made the story up and just wants to test everyone’s brain activity” said Matt


“Why are you so concerned about this legend Klohe?” asked Matt


“I’m not sure, it feels like this hidden city is calling to me, saying help us.......” Klohe trailed off as she had a vision of Harper sitting on a throne chair and ruling the city.

This is what I have done on my vacation, love the feedback and I hope you like it.

9 comments:

  1. hi bella, this new material brings up some very nice surprises. i'll follow up with another post after re-reading your previous blogs. (sorry, it's been a little while since this update & i would like *to try* to give you good feedback)

    thanks for a much more comprehensive update.

    ---Russ

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  2. Hey, I don't know if you thought about this but it is unlikely that a real science teacher would talk about, let alone give a quiz on, a non-factual city and legend learned personally from his parents. It would go against the grain of normal science curriculum. BUT ;-) you could substitute, say literature/mythology for the science class, and that might make the scene more believable. Unless you deliberately chose science class to make it stand out because maybe Mr. August will later get in trouble with the faculty, parents, etc. for teaching myth...hmmmm. There are certainly some fascinating possibilities here.

    Impressed with the story so far....keep going...

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  3. Very well done! I see much potential in your work.

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  4. Nannaooh ?

    Did you know that ....

    Robin Williams in the 1970's sitcom "Mork and Mindy" used the Orkan phrase "Nanu nanu" as a greeting for hello or goodbye, kind of like the Hawaiian version of "Aloha."

    Nice story. *Nanu-nanu*

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  5. What a great start! Are you going to run a new chapter evry week? It would be awesome if you did… Can't wait to read MORE!!<3

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  6. yeahhhhhhhhh!! u did it!!!! the legend is coming to life what will happen next?
    is harper really klohe's evil sister? where is the map hidden to get to silv er star city? we cant wait to find out :-) more pleez! by jen & lily

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  7. Silver Star City doesn't sound 'Greek' to me. (that's funny) I guess I'm a little confused about this city. Is this city where Klo & Harper go to school or the Greek city in the other dimension? Sorry if I missed something and can't get the location straight. Anyways, there is a small city called Silver Star City in Montana with like only a hundred people living there. Is this where the story takes place ? Amy

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  8. Amy, i think the story takes place somewhere in south carolina. it was in a prior post when bellacassandra was just starting to write the story. i know what you mean tho b/c silverstar all of sudden just pops up here. but ppl can point out these things to help make the story better. if u plan to follow this blog, might be good to go back to the beginning & read up to here.

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  9. Thank you for the feedback!!!!! I love it :)

    Russ: Thanks for commenting and I would love to hear your feedback when you get free time.

    Jonathan S: Thank you for letting me know that a science teacher would not logically give a pop quiz on a legend.

    Firefly: Thanks, sometimes I don't think I have potential but thank you.

    Chaz: LOL! I used to watch Mork and Mindy! Thanks for letting me know that he used the saying "nanu nanu".

    Anonymos: I will try to post every week, I come to a friends house topost online because I don't have internet at home.

    Jen & Lilly: I will hopefully get another post up soon and you will find out who Harper is and everything else!

    Amy: Silver city is in the other dimension, I haven't figured out what city Klohe lives in yet. I do promise that the city they will travel too will be a greek city.

    Anonymous: The story does take place in South Carolina just not sure what town/city. Thank you for commenting.

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