Thursday, October 13, 2011

Revised September 16th

I re-wrote the last part of my story from September 16th, it has been revised and I am still writing more but for now I will post what I have. Hope this time it makes more sense to all of you that follow me and the story.

“Mom where is the book that has all the history of Silver City in it?” asked Matt

“ I think it is in the attic but be careful because the roof is leaking into the attic” said Jen.

Matt ran up the stairs to the second floor and then went to his left and by his room. The attic door was only 5 more feet and he wanted to find the book that held every piece of information on Harper and Klohe plus about the city as well.
Matt reached the door to the attic and opened it and went two steps at a time to get inot the attic and his mom was right about the roof leaking. It was wet and soggy in some areas in the attic but all the rain didn’t help either.

“Why is there so much stuff in this attic?” Matt asked outloud.

Matt looked at everything while he was looking for the book containing all the information and on that he needed to look at. He passed paintings of the royal family, Lords and Ladies and a painting of Matt and Klohe when they were babies.
Matt admired the painting then moved on in the attic.

He finally found the trunk which stood out amongst everything. The trunk was made of cherry wood and had rubys along the edge that glowed when light was shinning in through the window. This trunk was locked but Matt had the key around his neck as did his parents.

When Matt opened the trunk, the book was on top, he grabbed it and sat down on the floor to read through about everything or at least find out why Harper and Klohe were separated.
In the book:

King Nathan and his sister Nica very different in many ways even though they were related by blood. Nica was into dark magic and wanted to rule in her evil ways and make everyone slaves. Her vision was a dark world and dominate every country and conquer earth.
King Nathan was the first born and he was crowned King while Nica was always second best. She hated her brother because her parents like him better. Nathan had a heart and the city loved him and his parents did too.

“We will see the end of days, I will be queen when the time is right! I will take your first born child and raise them as my own and bring this city to it’s knees and crumble!” said Nica to Nathan at his corination.
‘I see you have turned evil through and through in your body Nica, that is a shame and I will now banish you from the city for all eternity so you can not walk here when you are dead. You will never know who my first born is and we will fight you if you even try to harm the city” said Nathan.

With All Nathan sai, he has Nica escorted out of the palace and had the guards put shackels on her, they brought her to the outer most edge of the city where she would live in hiding and not be allowed back into the city.
King Nathan had been looking for a wife so he could settle down and start his own family. One day while he was out iding, he met a young woman named Sakura and he fell in love.

Of course this wasn’t happily ever after, Sakura found out the truth about Nica and was afraid her unborn child would be stolen. Sakura decided to start this book, keep all the secrets in it about the city and about the royal family. It was to be buried and never be found unless all evil prevailed.

Still have more to write to this but I wanted to share it anyways and always love feedback! Hope you enjoy.

9 comments:

  1. hi, i love the changes, just love them !!! tahnks. i like how you put the silver city book with all the history in the attic in the trunk. when matt was going up into the attic i felt like i was climbing the stairs w/him. i also like how you describe stuff, like the rubys, it made the story more real to me. excellent writing !!! cant wait for the next part. thanks.

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  2. Using the book as a way to bring out some of the backstory was very clever. Nice description of the attic surroundings -- just the right amount of detail, enough to paint a picture and bring the story to life.

    It was a pleasure reading this section.

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  3. Thank you Lily and Anonymous, I think it came out better this way then the last time I wrote it. I will hopefully write more and maybe post this weekend but not sure. There is a pumpkin festival going on tomorrow in my town.

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  4. Your writing puts the reader right into the story and that’s the best sign that your story will stay with a reader long after it’s been read. I see a lot of possibilities for the material found in the attic in later parts of the story :)

    This rewrite is excellent!!! Great work !!

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  5. hi bella, the pumpkin festival sounds like a fun event. now to your rewrite. one word. *fantastic*. & you still have more material left over from your post last month that you can introduce in another rewrite.

    so, THE BIG QUESTION IS............is the science teacher mr. august and king august, one and the same? & why would a king pose as a science teacher? well maybe you’ll answer these questions in the next update. bty, the silver city history book was a great idea ;D.

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  6. I like this segment. Is this going to be part of a book?

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  7. This is like one of those good-ole' fashioned fairy-tales. I used to read stories like this one to my grand-daughter at Borders until it closed down. We had so much fun there. Now, everything - even stories - are on the computer. Somehow, I think these machines are eroding meaningful human interactions. I hope one day when your story is published, a child will be able to hold the book in her hands and read it aloud with her grandmom, looking with wonder at the beautiful pictures of the castle and the princess and the many things of that world. And when the last page is turned, I can hear the girl say “thank you for reading with me grandma. That was a lot of fun.”

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  8. Thank you everyone for commenting! Grandma Ginny, you make me think of my Grandma and she is in Florida right now but I do hope that people one day will be able to hold my book!

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